A Phrase of Cosmic Significance
by mywildimagination
Summary: "We're in the middle of a war, Aang. I feel really confused." And Aang goes for the kiss. "I don't know whether I like you or Asami better. I feel really confused." And Korra goes for the kiss. This is the story of, "I just don't know what to say. I feel really confused." And Roku goes for the kiss.


Roku stood on the edge of a pond of panda lilies, watching the ripples in the water. He wondered how it would be to bend the water, and still marveled at the knowledge that he could, and would. Since he had discovered his status as the avatar, he had tried bending the other elements, though he had done little more than budge them. But he was excited to discover the new extension of his powers.

His hand hesitated over the water as he prepared to try bending it again, but a reflection in the pool caught his eye. Across from him was Ta Min.

Though his affection for her had never changed, seeing her now made him more nervous than usual. Before, he had felt he'd had all the time in the world to win her affections; now he was going to travel the world for many years, and she would probably be married before he returned. Gaining status as the avatar had almost surely cost him his first love. Still, he had to talk to her just once before he left.

"Ta Min!" Roku circled the pond, and she stopped for him to catch up to her. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course, Roku," she said, and then, as her cheeks reddened, "I mean, _Avatar_ Roku."

He shuddered. His new title still gave him chills, even when it didn't come from _her _lips.

"You don't have to call me that. Because I'm not really the avatar yet. I mean, I am, but, you know, not until I . . ."

"Learn the other elements?" asked Ta Min.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Is that why you were trying to waterbend a minute ago?"

"I was? I mean, you could tell that's what I was doing?"

"It sure seemed that way."

"Well, I'm not sure I'm supposed to - when I haven't had instruction - " Roku grimaced inwardly. Could he sound any more foolish? "But I don't care what the fire sages say. The other elements are amazing. They never specifically said I couldn't, anyway." There - that was a good way to finish. She'd think he was tough, honest, proud.

Ta Min smiled. "So do I get to see a demonstration?"

"Well . . ." He casually placed his hand behind his neck. "there's not really much to show yet. I only found out I was the avatar three days ago."

"That's all right. I've never seen waterbending before, so I'll be impressed by anything."

". . . Okay."

After a few deep breaths, Roku relaxed into a pose he thought looked waterbender-ish. He moved his hands over the water, and he could tell it was responding a little bit, but that wasn't going to impress Ta Min. His wrist flicked into a sudden thrust. The agitated water sprayed into a nearby bush, frightening away several sparrow-quail.

Ta Min laughed. Roku blushed.

"I'm going to miss you, Roku," she said. "I know we don't know each other that well, but you always made me smile. I wish we had talked more."

Roku's heart picked up again, and his mouth was getting dry. She was touching on the very subject he had meant to bring up with her. "You know, I didn't come over to talk to you so I could show you my half-baked bending," he said. "I actually. . . ."

"Yes?"

"Well, I wanted to tell you - I wanted to tell you - something."

"Okay."

"For a while, for a long time now, I've, um, really liked you. A lot. In fact, I - I think I'm in love with you."

Ta Min said nothing.

"I just wanted you to know that before I left. So it's okay if you don't feel the same way, because if we don't see each other things won't be awkward. But I hope you do feel the same way."

Still nothing.

What was worse, her face was perfectly composed, as if she had somehow gone deaf in the last few minutes. He almost wished she had. He wished she would open her mouth, even if it were to yell at him. He'd prefer anything to not knowing what she was thinking.

Roku sighed. "I guess you just want me to leave. I understand." He willed his feet to turn away, but they wouldn't budge. He knew that once he turned his back on her, he would never see her again.

A soft "why?" reached his ears, and it was minutes before he realized Ta Min's lips had moved, and that she was asking him.

"Why?" he repeated.

"Why are you telling me now? We both know you're leaving. Even if I say yes, it's not like anything can come of it. Unless this is a marriage proposal and you want me to tag along as you learn all the elements, and I don't see that happening. So why are you telling me now?"

This was the most bizarre response he could have imagined from her. What had happened to the laughing, smiling Ta Min of a few minutes ago, who talked about simple things? "I just felt like I couldn't leave without telling you."

"So is this a kind of . . . confession? Are you expecting anything from me? I just don't know what to say. I feel really confused."

In a moment of complete bravado, Roku leaned in and kissed Ta Min. He took care to enjoy it more than he should, because he knew it was a desperate gamble. Kissing her could make or break any chance he had with her. It seemed like her lips were moving against his. In his future moments of confidence, he would think she was kissing him back. But secretly he was sure she was merely struggling to say something, probably an insult or curse. In any case, she was the one to break apart.

"Roku," she said. "What kind of girl do you think I am?"

A dim idea broke through - she thought he must have designs on her virtue.

"No, Ta Min, I would never - "

"I never thought you would, but maybe you've changed. Maybe you've decided that since you're the almighty avatar, you can take any girl you want, and so you better go while the getting is good. Those monks at the Southern Air Temple won't let you near a woman for years, you know. Better enjoy it while you can."

"I don't want _any_ woman. I want you."

A sliver of light flashed across her eyes.

"Listen," he said. "Let's write each other while I'm gone. We can get to know each other better. Maybe we could work something out."

She sighed. "Roku, I don't want to get to know you that way. How close can we get over a sheet of paper?"

"I think we could get very close. Just give it a chance."

"I want to get to know you in person, Roku. I wish you had said something sooner. We would have had time together. Maybe we could have worked something out. But not right now, not like this. There's just no time."

"I thought I had time," said Roku. "But then I became the avatar."

"Blame it on being the avatar all you like. I know why you chose now to say something. It's like you said. If I didn't feel the same way, it wouldn't matter, because we'd be separated anyway. You could never bring yourself to do it unless you had a way out. You weren't willing to risk your pride over me."

Her words stung. She could have attacked him with a boarcupine and it would have felt no different. But her words were true. He felt the shame of it color him. "You're right," Roku said. "I was afraid. I should have told you sooner. But you have no idea how hard it was to tell you, even with nothing to lose."

Ta Min bit her lip. "I know. I'm sorry."

"I'll still write to you. If you don't write me back, I'll understand."

"I'll think about writing back to you," said Ta Min. "But don't count on it."

"All right."

Ta Min left.

A sudden burst of fire lighted over the pond. The avatar's voice poured into the evening air. "Why am I such an idiot?!"


End file.
